Friendship: Lessons from Three-Part Rounds

              When I was in college, I was practically inseparable from my two roommates. We talked about the most nonsensical and most serious topics, we drank tea, and we played grapefruit-filled pranks on our brothers across campus (it’s a long, glorious story). We loved to sing a cappella and received special joy from a repertoire of three-part rounds we might begin anywhere (most often in a stairwell).

              Rounds always fascinated me. There was a unity of melody because we all sang the same notes, and yet the timing and rhythm created a beautiful harmony as we took turns following one another around and around. We had to listen and be in step with one another. We sang and sang, sometimes coming to a purposeful stop, often stopping as one of us (usually me) lost our place, switched parts accidently, or fell into a fit of laughter.

              It was perfect…or at least it felt perfect. It felt like the three of us were meant to be together and I couldn’t think of anything better than getting to spend another year with these two dear sisters. Despite wanting the closeness of the trio to continue, I began to show favoritism in my heart and became obsessed with having a perfect friendship with one. I had not had someone to call my “best friend” since second grade. How deeply I wanted that! I began to fall out of tune and off tempo, pushing the round out of shape, trying to make it something it wasn’t.

              I’ll never forget the day I found out that my two roommates would continue to room together the following year as part of the residence life team. I would have to be in a different dorm and find a new roommate. I have never felt so devastated. I have had more serious disappointments and loss since then, but none of them wounded so deeply as this because I refused to let go. I kept trying to sing, but the music was no longer beautiful because, in my bitterness, I wouldn’t allow it to become a simple duet or welcome other voices into a broader chorus. I eventually repented of this, but it took years to heal those self-inflicted wounds.

              I have heard others wiser than myself talk about how God is love because He is a Trinity. One loving themself cannot know sacrificial love. Two exclusively loving each other will leave all others out. But three can love with a mutual affection that is inclusive, that can give loving attention to more than one being at the same time.

              As a good round has both a unified melody and a beautiful harmony, God is three in one. He is a unified being with three persons keeping in rhythmic step, each voice submitting to the others in turn to sing a beautiful, unending song. He models for us what love should look like. I cannot say that I have learned to put these lessons into practice perfectly, but I do know that good friendships and beautiful rounds require listening, submitting to one another, walking in step together, and allowing more voices in at the right moment.

              Here are the lyrics of one of our favorite rounds.

Love the Lord Your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind and love all mankind as you would love yourself and…

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all you soul and mind and love all mankind…

We’ve got Christian lives to live. We’ve got Jesus Christ to give. We’ve got nothing to hide because in Him we abide…

Love.