In a recent post, I mentioned “third spaces.” Third spaces can be defined as areas outside the home where two people can naturally meet for the first time and form a connection. A classic example of a third space is a bar, where it is acceptable and easy to have a conversation with someone with whom you haven’t had any previous connection.
Since that post, a few people mentioned to me that they had never heard the term “third spaces”. It makes sense in a way. It was something so common that it didn’t need to be labeled until it started to go away. Almost every public space was a third space where it would be natural and normal for people to meet people who were not previously in their social circle. However, now we are in an increasingly digital culture where people feel more awkwardness or even anxiety about interacting with other people. We also have more and more excuses not to interact with each other. Think about ordering through the app and picking up without interacting with anyone, self-checkout in every store, having a chatbot answer your questions and AI troubleshoot your problems, YouTube to show you how to do things you would have learned from someone older and wiser in your community, etc.
This has given me a reason to support third spaces I find and even brainstorm about creating them. Here is an idea I had for a hypothetical business. Someone please take it and run with it!
Some restaurants/cafes give you a small discount, maybe 5-10%, if you bring your own container. It is a small gesture, but one that shows they care about sustainability and are willing to incentivize their customers to also act in a sustainable way. I think many businesses related to food and hospitality desire to be a place where connections can be formed, but as I mentioned, they don’t actually function this way. What could business owners do to incentivize people to connect in person?
What if a restaurant or cafe offered a similar small discount to people who were willing to share a table with someone they hadn’t met? People could still have the option of having a table to themselves or their prearranged group at full price, but if they were willing to connect with someone else, they’d get a small bonus. In some ways, restaurant bars still function as third spaces, but for singles who don’t want to sit at the bar and connect with people over alcohol (either because of drinking preference or safety concerns) the option to come alone but eat together would be a really nice option for actual restaurants and cafes.
I realize some introverts are freaking out right now over the idea of sharing a table with a stranger. Keep in mind it would be optional. But the option could provide many benefits to lonely people.
There are more and more singles and more people living alone, which means more people eating alone. Though the necessity of eating can easily be accomplished alone, throughout human history, eating has traditionally happened together and we know there have been modern studies about the benefits of families eating together, etc.
Most of my meals are eaten alone and I really dislike it! I currently live by myself and at my workplace, coworkers seldom eat lunch together. My motivation to cook is low when it’s just for myself. Because I don’t have anyone to interact with during meals, I have to keep a book or magazine nearby to prevent my food from being consumed in under three minutes. For the record, I do ask people over for dinner regularly! I am already initiating a lot, but that still leaves me many days when all three meals are eaten by myself.
It would be lovely on the days when I wasn’t able to make plans with any friends or family to just go somewhere I knew I could be with other people, even if I hadn’t met them before. To know that even if my current acquaintances weren’t available, that I could potentially broaden my circle.
Having the freedom and incentive to eat with strangers could lead to some great connections! Obviously, not all would become best friends, but chances are if people are willing to share a table with strangers, they have some desire for connection. It honestly could be a great opportunity to practice social skills. I know that sounds kind of embarrassing, but we are at the point culturally when I do believe even adults need to practice social skills because so many previously necessary social interactions have been removed.
Would you share a meal with a stranger and help them feel a little more human?
Photo by Kris Atomic on Unsplash
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